Still time to adopt a christmas turkey
Christmas is upon us and the traditional slaughter of thousands of turkeys is impending. Every year thousands of turkeys are killed for the feast by selfish Americans who crave his juicy white meat. The barbaric activity needs to end. Open your home to a helpless christmas turkey this December and save the life of one of these fat jakes or jennies. O.
Taking care of your adopted christmas turkey
Christmas Turkeys will eat almost anything, and your commercial bird is genetically engineered to gain weight. Feed him too much and those legs will spread out to the sides making him unable to walk. We suggest a red wagon to tote him around in if this happens. If your turkey is still walking, odds are he may become aggressive. He will attack young children and small pets, and may actually kill them. They are so cute (the christmas turkeys). Your bird is going to poop everywhere because that is what turkeys do. As the feces breaks down and turns to ammonia it will burn your eyes till you can barely see. Its a quirky and lovable trait. We suggest a green and grey and white pattern on your furniture and carpet as you will grow tired of cleaning the poop and will wish it would just ‘disappear’ into the carpet as it dries.
Adopting a christmas turkey is not for everyone
Some have issues with poop on the rug and dead children and pets. A good substitute is to adopt a realistic fake, and stake him in the yard from time to time so the neighbors think you are a good person. And you are. Plastic turkeys are almost as stupid as real ones, and double each spring as hunting gear.
Merry Christmas, and best of luck if you decide to adopt a christmas turkey this year. VIVA LE CHRISTMAS TURKEY!